An usual FB story

Four years ago:

Nick created Facebook profile even before knowing what it was all about; it was only because of the fact that one of his pals had sent a mail with a link to join it. He hardly logged into it in the next six or seven months until he noticed a mail from Facebook reminding him about his friend’s birthday that week. Not to mention he thanked Facebook for the remainder for he’d have forgotten the day otherwise. He was still having no clue about what to do with that mail. He just followed the link, logged in, and saw a couple of his friend’s profile pages. That was about it then. He preferred Twitter to Facebook more so because the later was all Greek to him.

Three years and six months ago:

Nick came to know that Facebook was also referred as FB. He had almost 50 friends in his list. He learnt how to post a status, how to post in other’s timeline. From then on, he started posting birthday wishes on his friend’s timeline. He also learnt what “likes” and “shares” are. He felt happy whenever he got a notification. He was all excited to check who had commented or liked his status or something he had posted/shared. All this time, he wasn’t aware that Jane was also in FB.

Three years ago:

Nick’s friend list hit 125. It was less for someone who has been in FB for more than a year or so, but given the fact that he was choosy in accepting or sending the friend requests, it was quite an achievement. He came to know that Jane also has a FB account. He was never happy like the way he was when the news came to his ears. Just as anyone else on his shoes would have done, he logged into Facebook immediately and searched for Jane Marler. A smart person that he was, he found Jane in a matter of few seconds. Back then, her friend list didn’t even hit a half-century. He wanted to hit the “Add Friend” button very badly, but the situation demanded otherwise. He was content on being able to stalk her profile. In a way, that was more than what he deserved for what had happened between them.

Two years and nine months ago:

Nick started posting some random updates – at least one on each day. Most people didn’t understand what those updates were about. He was least bothered. He knew what they meant. There were few comments for each of his posts, and more than few likes. However, he lost interest in likes and comments. All that mattered to him was how to get a like or a comment from Jane. Will it even be possible in the first place, he wondered. But he had a hope – a hope that made him a fool, for long. In the meantime, he had so many good memories in FB, like the several unforgettable chats with the ever-hidden “X” and “Y”, occasionally-available-online “Z”. Among all those good memories FB had offered him, there was also one thing that made him feel bad. He missed her in the friend-list, big time. But the stalking continued. He liked and commented on the photos she was tagged in; of course, all mentally only. Her friend-list had crossed 150 already and was constantly increasing every time he stalked her profile. He was worried for not being one among them. In fact, he longed to be one of them.

Two years ago:

No one found Nick in FB. He had deactivated the FB account. He was careful enough not to delete the account permanently as he didn’t want to lose all his rambles.

Question: So why did Nick end the only way of communication between him and Jane (even if it was meant to be one-way)?

Answer: Nick thought that it was the only possible way to stop him from stalking Jane. To say the least, it was something that he was ashamed of.

“X”, “Y”, and few others questioned him about the reason for quitting FB. He smiled their questions off. At times, that wasn’t enough; there were few assumptions put forth. He would knock them off with a simple answer, “Never mind, I’ll be back soon.”

A year and three months ago:

Nick kept his promise; not only to end the speculations, but also due to the fact that he couldn’t control the urge to know what’s happening with Jane.

Nine months ago:

Nick deactivated the FB account. It was the same reason as last time. But in a span of few weeks, he reactivated the FB account owing to the insistence of “X”.

Two month ago:

Nick was still stalking Jane. There were no updates from her. The profile, the timeline and all remained the same for quite a few weeks.

Yesterday:

Nick couldn’t find Jane in FB. He searched a lot through all the known means. After few minutes, he realized that she did something that he had done twice in the past. He knew that the reason might not be the same. He was worried, like a lot. He didn’t talk to anyone for the next few hours. He didn’t attend any of the phone calls as well. He wanted to be away from the whole world. He was more worried about what was affecting her that made her quit FB.

Today:

Nick couldn’t stop searching for Jane even though he knew it’s of no use anymore. Surprisingly, she was found. He posted a status in his timeline. It read, “Oh yeah, it’s so good to see you back. :)”

Poor Nick. He still lives with hopes. One of them is that somewhere, sometime, Jane stalks him. Maybe, it’s true.

One hell of a dream

"Remember, you are going to chase your dream. No matter what," he said.

"Yep, I am," I nodded looking at him straight into his eyes.

"And Most people don't," he continued.

"Hmmm," I nodded, still staring at the mirror where he appeared.

I turned back. I didn't want him to persuade me more. He did enough already, did enough to unblock my mind. My vision became clear. I was able to see my future. No more second thoughts, I decided. That was all I could do then. I took my mobile and dialed my mom’s number.

"Mom, I'm sorry," I started without even waiting for her "Hello".

"What?" she dropped the call at that instant. I was in no mood to give her a call again. It was just that I didn’t want to trouble her already-disappointed-and-down mind more.

Thirty minutes passed by. She didn’t bother to call me back. I didn’t either. I understood that it was perfectly normal for anyone in her shoes to react like what she did. For her, I was, unarguably, wrong in my decision.

I felt restless; partially because of my mom and partially because of her – Neha, she was. I dialed her number this time. Shiver ran down my spine. As her mobile was ringing, I couldn’t sit or stand in one place. I strolled all around the hall. She picked, finally, before the call would become unanswered.

“Hey, hi,” it was her.

I was silent.

“Well, hold on a minute. I’m surrounded by people. I will come out,” she continued in a hurry.

I was still struggling for words.

“Hi, it’s good now. How have you been?” It was the usual her.

“Listen, I have made my decision,” I mumbled.

“What? Thank God. You did. Finally,” she was letting her excitement heard obviously. Poor girl, she wasn’t aware that my decision wasn’t on her side. It wasn’t because she took my mom’s side.

“I’m not the right person for you, dear,” I said, loud and clear, before realizing that it’s time to cut the “dear” part from our conversation.

“What the hell are you saying? Are you even in your senses now?” she was loud and angry. She usually has the doubt like I’m not in my senses often. Never mind, she loved me for what I am.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but with my decision already made, I don’t want you to suffer along with me. You better be in your senses and try to understand. Bye.” I ended the call and switched off my mobile.

I didn’t turn it on for the next few days. She was angry on me more than ever, more than anyone else. Not for that I choose my dream over her, but for that I cut her off completely without even giving her a chance to put forth her stand on me and my decision. I’d later hear that from my mom. Her anger made her not to see me forever. I respected her decision. I made sure that I stayed away from her.

I never thought that I’d see her again in my lifetime, not until I saw her today. Fate, it is. I was at the bus stop, with my script in hand, waiting for my friend to pick me. Yes, believe me. I do have a couple of friends still. I was just an hour away from meeting the n^th producer in the past eleven years.

She pulled her car over (reason, unknown to me) and got out of it. Unfortunately, she saw me, but pretended as if she didn’t see me. A poor girl, still she is. She didn’t realize that I had seen her too. She took her car and rode off in the blink of an eye. I felt bad that I couldn’t let her do what she wanted to over there. However, I was happy to see her and her kids (Yep, I saw two kids in the car. I assume that they are hers).

My confidence level boosted up heavily. I was sure that I could see the light, at last. I hoped that all my struggles were at their deathbed counting the final minutes to depart their world – that was me.

  

Later in the day, my script was rejected. Time and again.

“Time has changed, buddy,” the producer said, “No one likes to see a movie that has a realistic touch to it, you see, like a documentary kind. People prefer a mass masala flick. Entertainment, which is all they need.”

I smiled at him. Come back with a better one, with what people need, he told me when I left. I threw my script into the trash can at his office. Surprisingly, I walked happily. I didn’t know the reason. Or maybe, I knew.

I didn’t call my friend who asked me to do to pick me up from the producer’s office. I rather walked along the untidy pavement. I saw the wall poster of a recently released movie with the hero holding the gun in his mouth and two girls (heroines, of course) on the either side with his hands. The movie, it’s been running to packed houses ever since it was released. I saw the movie two days back. I stormed out of the theatre before the interval. I liked it that much. The scene I saw in the poster was one of the many (until I saw the film) when the fans went crazy whistling and throwing the already cut newspaper pieces on the screen.

During my walk, I realized why I have been failing till then. I got the answer. I wanted to cry out loud. At that instant, I wished that the suicide attempt I made few years back was successful. But I didn’t want to try it again, not until I finish my new script – a script about a lunatic who didn’t listen to his parent’s words, who missed the girl whom he loved the most, who quit the handful-of-money-offering-job only to end up borrowing money from his friends to make ends meet, who failed miserably for the past eleven years in pursuing his dream – a dream of making big in the film industry.

I regret the decision I made. Maybe, I wouldn’t have had I been successful. But it’s what it is. It was a decision that would turn my life upside down, of course, for good, I thought. Crap, who knew it would happen in an exact opposite way. Well, my mom did. Perhaps, my dad did too. And almost all whom I knew and shared my decision with, except for that one person who knew me. I mean, who completely knew me, what was I up to. So, as it turned out, we both were wrong, miserably.

Ten Wishes for 2013 - A retrospect

It's been three months since I posted my ten wishes for the year, and it's quite a time to consider where I stand. Isn't it? So here it is, a retrospect.

1.    Read more: Ah, it’s hard to say, but the fact is that I have hit rock bottom. I read only two books in the past three months, and the sad part is I don’t even remember the name of them. In retrospect, I feel terribly awkward as Reading being the first item in my list of wishes for 2013. Dot.

2.    Write as much as you can: Nothing much to say here as you yourself can see this post is being the next of my previous “Ten Wishes for 2013” post. Although I have to admit that of late I have started a personal blog – a blog where I write letters to the person I’d always wanted to. The funny thing is I haven’t told the person yet; maybe I never will, but the letters, for sure, will pile up.

3.    Make every day productive by any means: Now don’t laugh already (I will, however). Okay, I’m still trying  (or more precisely, wanting) to make this one work to the least bit possible at least, for the sake of being included in my wish.

4.    Learn to forgive everyone (whomever so is applicable): This is one thing that I’m really good at, and well, almost that I’m proud of. Narcissism, maybe.

5.    Never show your sadness to anyone: I have to say that I have improved on this front. No doubt at all. Otherwise, things would have been different by now with two persons in particular.

6.    Do what you love the most: A big zero for this. I know it’s not so easy. And well, this was one thing that I’d doubted myself when I penned down the list. Considering the fact that there is 3/4^th of the year left still, there could be a chance for me, possibly.

7.    Learn to respect everyone and their choices as well: The reason for listing this one was not to grow myself up in this regard, for I already am, very much. The only reason for this point to be in the list was just to remind me not to deviate from this no matter what.

8.    Do something credibly to share with your buddies by the end of the year: Okay, there is something in my mind already, and I’m very much determined of accomplishing it, well, before the end of the year. Let’s see.

9.    Get over your anger completely. Or reduce it to the maximum: A negative score, obviously. There was an incident happened yesterday that I felt very ashamed of. Though the reasons – that I was provoked and that almost everyone in my position would have reacted the same way – justifies my action, there is no doubt that I hate myself for it.

10.  Try to stay in touch with the people you love, forever: Well, I try to. However, there is this thought that hits my mind at regular intervals that I should take a break for the good sake of everyone involved in one particular matter.