09-Feb-2011
I’m nervous. I‘m damn nervous. Tomorrow is going to be the last day of my project, which is my first project as well, that lasted for almost 26 months (for the ones who are poor in converting it to the scale of years - it’s 2 years and 2 months) since the day (19th Dec, 2008) I joined. I’m not nervous dreading to face the end, which of course, is ineluctable and inevitable as everyone in the IT industry has to face this at some point of time. But I’m nervous right now. Also, not because I have to be in a new team, new environment, new whatever. I’m nervous because this post has to come out well.
I’m nervous. I‘m damn nervous. Tomorrow is going to be the last day of my project, which is my first project as well, that lasted for almost 26 months (for the ones who are poor in converting it to the scale of years - it’s 2 years and 2 months) since the day (19th Dec, 2008) I joined. I’m not nervous dreading to face the end, which of course, is ineluctable and inevitable as everyone in the IT industry has to face this at some point of time. But I’m nervous right now. Also, not because I have to be in a new team, new environment, new whatever. I’m nervous because this post has to come out well.
Yes, this post has to come out really well as I’m going to write about the person whom I respect the most. She is also the one whom I undoubtedly consider as my ‘the-best-friend’, and I’m pretty much sure that I will do in future too. Additionally, she is also the one who for real, from the bottom of her heart, cared for me, and stood by me in my tough, tougher and toughest times all through my days in this project. I’m not citing this in technical front (though she did that too), but in personal front. Hence, this has to come out readable at least, if not awesome.
To this date, I had written few stories, posted a few stuffs in my blog, written a few technical stuffs, but not even on any single day I sat in front of my Laptop, and started typing, as soon as I came home from office. In fact, I’m doing that today, at this very point of time. No wonder, though it’s been almost 15 minutes by now since I turned my laptop on, I’m yet to sign in to Gtalk, Gmail, Facebook and Twitter that I would do on any normal day. And I have to make it clear that this is not a work of emotionality. This is kind of my tribute for all she did to me, and going to do to me. And that makes me nervous.
Having said that I had already decided on what to write (incl. the title for the post), I didn’t round off on how to do it actually, I mean the way it should be written. Well, that makes me even more nervous. Hmmm, well, one thing that runs on my mind now is ‘don’t worry about the ‘how’ part, just go along wherever this leads’. After all she and, for the matter of fact, whoever happens to read this post will not mind about it, as far as it’s readable.
All started here, on 22nd dec, 2008 – when for the first time she talked to me, in fact, she didn’t talk to me at first sight. I was asked to sit in her machine by our PL (I wasn’t allocated any system by then), and read some documents as she was yet to come to the office. On seeing me at her place, she, though I being a fresher, hesitated to ask me leave her system, and instead, went to my PL and talked to him. I could hear him asking her to tell me to take some other system. But she didn’t. (Nah, she wasn’t happy to escape from her work!!!) She was just feeling bad to ask me to leave her machine. I remember her saying that to our PL. People say first impression is the best impression. That’s so true. She impressed me that very minute. Don’t get me wrong. She was elder to me by few years, and hence it’s not just the usual a-guy-got-impressed-by-a-girl-at-first-sight stuff.
By then, I, by any means, wasn’t struck by the thought that we would become good friends, let alone given the difference in our age. To be frank, she is a sisterly friend to me. Having said this word ‘sisterly’, I do remember her saying – I wish I should have a brother like you – a couple of times. And, every time when she said that, it sounded perfect as I had already started to place her next to my two sisters. So it all started that day. It continued tardily but steadily as I joined their team for lunch and later for coffee breaks (I do say ‘coffee-break’ because she prefers coffee to tea/milk).
It really took some time, to be specific - few months, for us to get closer and understandable. Till then we were just like the friends-for-breaks-and-lunch. But after that, we were otherwise – thanks to the same wavelength we had, and that made our bond stronger. She was always there for me whenever I had some problems both professionally and personally (So did I J J J).
As time, days, and months rolled by, I read her to the maximum level that was possible, if not completely. May be because a girl is like a book that is insipid, not many but only a very few who has an immeasurable patience and tolerance can read it completely. (I don’t even have a measureable quantity of both). Does it sound like a good metaphor? If not, please delete it from your mind (as only this comes to my mind now!!!).
There were, as in any friendship, kinder garden fights between us. Mostly, the reason will be me, and my activities. Activities, as in, my acts when I feel struck with some unwanted memories and incidents (the term ‘unwanted’ was prefixed by her, only by her). Such fights are forever part and parcel of life. During that time, I would keep myself away from the gatherings like lunch, coffee breaks, etc. That doesn’t mean I restrict myself from the crowd or I behave indifferently. It’s just I can’t feign before people as if I was normal when I feel depressed deep within my heart. She never left me alone, even when I preferred loneliness. She always wanted me to be normal.
Even when I disobey her words and act in my own way, she will never give up on me and in fact, will succeed most of the times, only most of the times. Sometimes I succeed in my stand that would end up in an argument which in turn leads to her anger. She leaves my place saying that I would never change. I knew that was just a sham. But in order to show my disappointment, I obstinate myself from talking to her. She, too, is intransigent in her own way. But this will last only for few hours, or at the max, only for a day. Either I or she will end up in other’s place and call off our so-called fight with an agreement that I should not behave like that ever again. Likewise we had several agreements. The sad thing is each agreement was broken only to end up with another agreement of same kind.
I would say, she might even forget the above said incidents in future, but not the times when I used to arouse her anger by insulting her – Please note the word ‘insult’ was again purely coined by her for the events that happened. I never meant it, I swear. All I did was for FUN. Whenever she asks me something, say a chocolate or a snack that I hold in my hand, or any other stuffs, or any modest help, I would decline it in the first place, even when our colleagues were around us. I repeat - all I did was for fun, only just for FUN, to see her being disappointed. I’m not bad, and hey, I am not a sadist either. I simply relish her expression and the way she turns her face. But sadly, she always thought otherwise, and as I mentioned earlier, she coined it as an insult. You know, every time I did that, I always knew the end result, but that didn’t stop me from acting like that. I was just blithe and will remain forever. That’s me, after all.
At times, when she asks me something, and if I was in the state of my own world, I would often give her a laconic reply, but man, she never minds that. That’s where she scores. That’s where she stood tall, taller than the rest, taller than the other people whom I feel I am close with. Even when I was so reticent about my problems, she used to grab things from my face and volunteers herself to talk to me, only to make me feel better. She listens to me patiently to all my prates and advices me whenever I ask her, and even does when I don’t ask her!!!
As days went, she started to interact with my mom, and became close to her that she would call her up and complain if I did something I shouldn’t do like skipping my lunch, etc. (she complained even when she knew the reason behind it. Ironically, I quote it as valid, but she does otherwise.) Thus we even grew up to become family friends. Also, I do have a good relationship with her husband, who though knows me a little, but cares for me a lot enough to advise me with my happenings. Even an incident happened couple of days before. He called her up to say things about me, for me, for my better future. I felt I was lucky to have them. My parents will be happy to know that I do have someone here to fill their place, virtually at least, when I stay away from them.
She sometimes seem to be didactic, but all for my good. There were times when we just joshed around. There were times when I argued with her, and she seemed to fight back frantically, but I knew she was only shamming. Today when we were talking about our release and our future project, she told that she will be in touch with me always, even if I didn’t. I am confident about it too. Additionally, she was referring to me as “You are very good as a person, but…” With that word – ‘but’, she triggered the bullets at me. She said, “but you behave indifferently, in the sense, kind of moody, at times.” I knew what she was referring; she knew that I knew what she was referring. We both knew the reason behind that. On top of that, she knew I was not that sort of person. Yet, that’s what she feels at the end. Though she knows the reason now, one day, maybe, she will understand the reason.
