Lies

I hate to say this, but today, in long, is one of the worst days in a better way. Or I should say it’s one of the worst days in a not-so-worst way. Having said that, I know I must be happy at least for nothing happened on the far left end of the spectrum. Yeah, right. I must be. Moreover, these sorts of days make us swim stealthily in a realization phase. And that’s for good, you see.

And swimming in such phase today made me realize, for the nth time, that I wish I learn to learn things in a better way; especially when it comes to reading people. Yeah, I really mean it. How many times do I need to keep on regretting after it all had happened? Seriously. I still hanker sometimes, maybe on the days like today, that I should get an extra power from nowhere to read people, to handle them. It would help me in moving the way they want me to. I know it will eventually wane my identity out. But who cares anyway!

Last week I came to know that a friend of mine had lied – or in perfect grammatical words, have been lying – to me over some important things – that can also be considered as trivial by some, but I say important because I just took them that way, a serious way to say the least. Call it as my fault. I agree. But I was incapacitated. Totally. A mutual friend of ours explicated certain things to me during one of our everyday casual conversations. I was all but left ravaged. I was left fumbled. It even led me to an imaginary stage show where that person, in several unseen avatars, was circling me with some rapturous movements.

I have to admit that I’m not perfect. I do have faults; plenty of them. I have lied to people, both known and unknown, but mostly, when I was in a position to save myself from any unwanted consequences of my past bloomer or something like that. I know anyone can say such lame excuse to defend them. But trust me, mine were never meant to hurt anyone. Sometimes, I lie to people for fun, and to make fun of them. And on doing so, I don’t have the heart to prolong it forever. I just let them know the truth in a few minutes, or in some cases, in a few days’ time.

What kills me this time is, believing that person’s words, I had spent several hours, several days thinking of how to work things out in a better way for the betterment of that person. Now when I realize that all are of no use, I get frustrated. I get thwarted. It's good that in order to maintain my sanity, I still keep things going smoothly between us, hiding the fact that I knew of that person’s lies. It’s actually tough, you know – tough to pretend as if nothing had happened, as if nothing bad had happened.

Okay, in a broader analysis – giving away my disappointment and anger – I can presume that that person had said all those things for fun. Maybe that’s even true. But of all, one is indigestible and inexcusable, and that leaves me fuming. Nevertheless, I still hope one day I will get to know the reason from that very same person itself. Maybe, who knows, I will even get a reasonable justification too. However, deplorably, that doesn’t render any soothing for my current state of mind.

Thinking of this incident actually takes me back to a couple of years. Back then, my sweetest friend accused me of sharing certain secretive information with a couple of people (who are close to me; by close I mean very close). I felt more ashamed than sorry. I was unanswerable to the questions put right in front of my face. I stood speechless. It actually took few minutes and some indispensable courage to gather my strength to say SORRY. Yes, that was all I did. Nothing else. Wait, that wasn’t the hard part yet.

The real hard part was after several months, when I came to know, through one of those two people whom I shared the info with, that the very same information was already shared by my sweetest friend with one of them, several months before I had to say it by myself. How crazy is it? Just imagine my mind at that point of time when I heard this. My mind, it was literally cracked. Yeah, it was.

I wanted to blast my friend for concealing this from me, for making a fool out of me. I wanted to confront my sweetest friend for once. All the same, I knew I neither can blast nor can confront any of them.

If only I were able to read people well, I’d have very well avoided the above said situations for good. But then I feel these things are also for good that they show who we really are and whom we encounter with.

2011 - A year that was

Well, this is the first time I’m recounting the things that had happened in a year, sitting all alone on a New Year’s Eve with several thoughts of what I’d do for the night running paralleling on my mind. Not that I haven’t done the same ever in my life as yet; the fact is I had done it several times, but only in my mind and not in a blog, as in, only to me and not shared to anyone else. Having said that, I’ll make sure this one is not going to be a-boring-recap of the stuffs that happened with/to me.

To begin with, a New Year is nothing without any resolutions, even if we are sure of ourselves that we won’t be going to stick to those any longer. Just the concept of ‘resolution’ is itself exciting and keeps us going strong (at least for few days), you know. I, as usual, welcomed 2011 with a couple of resolutions – Blogging and Reading (Check The long awaited start for additional details). Surprisingly, none of them were ever a part of my New Year resolutions till then. So, at that very thought of fixing them, I made sure I shouldn’t hold on to my record of handling my past resolutions.

On this day, looking back at the track record, I’m happy that I almost stuck to my resolutions.

a)    The posts in my blog is an indelible proof for the first (though the count is negligible compared to the fellow bloggers, given my past, it is, by far, more than acceptable for me. After all, it’s me who should be satisfied first).

Some noteworthy points with respect to my posts are:

·         ‘A Story’ happened, out of the blue (or I should be truthful and say it was because of my friend’s repeated request – and that’s the reason I dedicate it to her). It’s special because it’s my first attempt after I’d decided to stop writing stories after ‘Deathbed’ (due to some secretive reasons). The special thing about this is I didn’t round off on the storyline when I started penning the first part or the subsequent parts published so far. I just wrote what struck my mind when I worked on the respective parts. As of now, I don’t know how and where the story will end; neither do I know if it will have a happy or a sad ending. As you know, if only you’ve been following ‘A story’, only eight parts have been completed so far, I hope I’d finish the remaining parts soon.

·         My personal favorite posts of the year – ‘Puppy Love’ and ‘Random Ramble #1’.

·         Not to mention, my letter to my crush. J

 

b)    Reading hasn’t been my cup of tea for long. I hardly read any novels before my sister asked me to read ‘Five point someone’ – a book that kindled my interests for novels – Thanks to Mr. Chetan Bhagat. But still, such a lazy ass I am, it took more than a year and half for my hands to touch another novel (co-incidence maybe, the book was ‘Three Mistakes of my life’ – the third book of Chetan Bhagat). From then on, I have read quite a few books, but not at an acceptable rate. That was the reason for me to include ‘Reading’ as one of my resolutions for the year. Just like my other resolution, this too was carried on with utmost sincerity, I’d say.

 

The carrying out of this resolution began with ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ and ended with ‘Can love happen twice”. I can’t give away the exact count of books that I read this year, but all I can say is that the count is respectable.

 

So, what’s in store for 2012, in regard to resolutions? No, I can’t reveal it here until it’s executed in a proper way. Maybe, I’d do it in the post, “2012 – A year that was”.  

On the other note, the year had few interesting, or rather, positive things, I’d say, happened. To mention a few –

 

·         I was happened to acquaint a couple of new friends – the onsite counterpart of my previous project Mr. A, from whom I’d learnt a lot – both professionally and personally, tops the list. I wish I’d more time working with him.

·         Tried my hand on cooking, which was eventually a short stint though.

·         Played AHL, after a gap of two years, and won the trophy for the second time in as many appearances.

·         Won first place in the technical quiz back in September – my first ever participation since joining the company.

·         Got two followers whom I wasn’t aware of to my blog. That means a lot, really. J

·         On top of all, got good news, on professional front, a couple of days back. That is something to cheer about.

 

When there is a crest, there will be a trough; when there is a positive, there will be a negative. That’s how the universe is designed, after all. So here are my few regrets/negative things of the year –

 

·         The biggest regret of all, I failed on the mission ‘june10’. The piteous fact is I wasn’t even given a chance to start the mission that I had been planning for a while then. L

·         Simple things play spoilsport, sometimes. One such thing – a simple message - played with me too, by not getting back to me ever.

·         I couldn’t offer any help to my friend when in need (which I only came to know later through my other friend), just because I wasn’t in touch with the person for a while. My bad, but I keep reminding myself that I should make it up to the person somehow.

About the new year, all I can say now is that the year 2012 is going to a significant one in my life in several aspects, either in a positive or a negative way, for I have already have few plans in my mind. Hope everything turns out as per my calculations.

I just hope 2012 will be happy and prosperous for everyone. Let miseries drown and Joys fill the air. Wishing everyone a Very Happy New Year!!!

Have fun; enjoy your life. Cheers!

Did I miss something? Oh yeah, Dec 21, 2012. What do I want, the world to end or not? It unarguably depends on the outcome of my plans. LOL… J

Life is...

“Life is …” – That’s the most used starter of a phrase by anyone who, well, invariably thinks about ‘The Life’. Everyone would have had different words added up to it, at different times, which obviously was influenced by their stand on life back then. Apparently, I too had multiple phrases that start with ‘Life is …’, and moreover, had heard/read many versions from different people so far. Wanna know the latest? It’s “Life is a bitch when the only woman you can think of belongs to someone else.” – By Chetan Bhagat in his book, Revolution 2020.

Most of them that you happen to hear/read might seem to be funny, crazy, nutty, and top of all, a cliché. Most of us, from our perspective, laugh it off. Yeah, we do, unless we’re at a stage in life where we’re almost on their shoes. It’s the life, after all. But what we fail to do is to think what made them to define life as such. Maybe, we’re too lazy or too comfortable in life to think from their shoes. Say, someone had scribbled ‘Life is so miserable’ in the wall of a subway, and unavoidably, our eyes happen to glint at it as we walk by it. The immediate thought that would strike our mind is to picture that someone as a real LOSER. We’ve no idea of why he had seen life as ‘so miserable’. Of course, life wouldn’t have been so miserable for him right from his birth. Maybe his past few days, few months, or say, few years had been miserable for him. Or maybe, the truth is, his mind had seen life that way. And that doesn’t mean he is a LOSER.

Okay, what am I going to ramble here? It’s about what life is. It’s as simple as this, LIFE IS NOT SO COOL. That’s what I feel about life, right now. If you’d got what I wanted to clear up in the last two paragraphs, then you’d no longer think me as a loser or as a crazy head. Look, it might sound as a cliché, like I’d mentioned earlier, but the fact is ‘Life Is Not So Cool’. Trust me. Or you’d feel yourself only if you’re so gloomed by the so-called boredom.

I haven’t had much of a work at office for the last couple of months. It was the winding up phase of the project that I worked on. Going by that point, it’s kind of normal to be less occupied at work, and I’m very well aware of it. But the problems were – one, it wasn’t coming. The news came out of the blue. (I don’t want to get into it here as it’s an official, internal, and confidential matter, you see!) And two, it – I mean my release from the project - could have happened several weeks before. So these things along with the almost-no-work fact screwed me for the past few months. I’m not a guy who likes to sit and enjoy the ‘no work at office’ phase. I always want to be engaged in work at office, even if it takes whatever time in my 24-hours day. So it was no wonder why I felt life as not so cool.

In a way, the boring time was a blessing in disguise; it was the reason I was so ACTIVE in my blog for the past few months. (And moreover, it was why ‘A story’ was born!) Finally, the much awaited release happened on the fourth of November, and ta-da, I’m on bench now (not literally though. It was just a word coined by anonymous). Literally, it’s a very bad phase (at least for me) as it means no-work-and-so-just-be-idle-apart-from-searching-for-a-new-project. I’ve been suffering the effect of this for the past one week. I’m bored like hell. Although, it’s not like I’m looking for a project to get into. I’m almost into one already except it’s not official; when it’s not official, technically, my doors aren’t closed yet. And hence, I’m still in a ‘NO WORK’ phase.

To add fuel to the fire, the internet at my home has gone haywire since last Monday. We had, as usual, blamed it on BSNL for the situation. It’s BSNL, and so it’s obvious, we thought until today morning. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the case this time. We should blame it on our neighbor, wait, I should correct the term, and it should be our STUPID neighbor. We found that our phone line was actually CUT by our neighbor, and that was the reason for our situation. Worse, the reason we heard for their act. The wire that was hanging along their wall wasn’t looking good. Yeah, believe it or not, that was the reason given to the lineman who went up to their place to check the connection. Why do people behave like this? Why do they get out of their minds, often? When we fight for a change in the system in our country across various things, what we basically forget is the fact that we people should change for good, first.

So blame it on our neighbor (and surprisingly, not BSNL) for my inactivity on this blog-o-sphere for the past few days. Uh-huh, I’m lucky to find an excuse. All in all, I was bored at office, and equally, at home. Meanwhile, amidst these troubles, I found that I can live without checking my mails, without Facebook-ing, without blogging, and even without checking the blogs that I stalk, but certainly not without Twitter. Yeah, I badly missed it, missed checking the tweets of the people I follow. (I was worried on missing the latest updates from Selvaraghavan on #Mayakkamenna release.J) The first thing I did after the internet connection was fixed was to login to Twitter and check my timeline, the tweets I had missed.

Having said that, before I wind up the post, I’d like to quote the height of boredom I’m presently at – “I paid a visit to a couple of temples, this evening, just to get rid of the boredom and nothing else.” And I’d like to repeat, “Life is NOT so COOL.” Gotcha!

3 years @ work

It’s been three years. Yesterday I started my 4^th year at TCS. I just don’t want to say the good-old cliché “Three years went by like three minutes/seconds”, though I really feel it did. Neither on the day when I got recruited nor on the day when I entered the campus I wasn't sure I would be here for 3 whole years. Even today, I’m not sure I would complete my 4^th year here, but who knows, I would do a post next year saying how excited I’m on completing my 4^th year, and thereby getting the apparent promotion. That’s life after all, at least for me.

The past three years have been a great learning experience, both professionally and personally. I had faced a couple of hurdles on the way; otherwise it has been a smooth, flexible and favorable ride. I have been in two different projects so far, and each of them has taught me ample number of lessons that would help me grow better and better in the future.

All along the way I have met and been with different kinds of people – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Luckily, to make my ride pretty smooth, the last two categories had very few people in them. Nevertheless, even the bad and the ugly had been on their good at times, and I was kind of okay for being with them.

I have seen people cry (yes, trust me. I have seen the real tears. Thanks to those girls!), have seen people laugh. I have seen people being furious and arrogant. I have seen people caring and being humble. I have seen people who were very much committed, people who were, ironically, the other way, too. I have seen people who were passionate about what they do and what they have to do. There was one particular girl who topped all others in that regard. She was my inspiration, my booster and my whatnot. Honestly, I give her the compliment for what I’m today.

And I have tried my best to change the people who weren't committed, who weren't passionate, and who were cheerfully irresponsible. I was successful with few, and unsuccessful with others. Never mind, at least I tried.

I have had few greatest moments of my life. I have had few forgettable, regrettable moments as well. There were days that were nothing more than plain and simple; there were days that were exciting and challenging; there were days that were nothing less than being extremely funny. Not to forget, there were miserable days, too.

I have met people who were later to become my best friends, and thereby, an integral part of my life. They have done way too much to impress me that I would go to any extent to pay back them by any means. I have met people who love me for what I’m and people whom I love THE MOST!

I have had my golden days – not the days when I was recognized or appreciated for my work, but the days when I was really happy for doing as much help as I could offer to make my colleagues shine in their task. I was more than indulged to see them smile, and that gave me more satisfaction than the smile I got myself when I was appreciated.

I have had my dark days as well. Those days were real pain for me. It’s not that I couldn't handle the day to make it less gloomy, but I was doomed to face that. Personally I would say the third year was more horrifying (strictly not in professional terms).

From people, I have learnt how one should behave and how one shouldn't. I have studied the ways to motivate people to get the work done, to handle people in tough times, and not to disappoint or disrespect anyone.

Looking back at the three years, one thing that makes me feel happy is the fact I have grown with the help of others, and invariably, helped others grow. And I guess, that makes me complete in my career as yet.

SO FAR SO GOOD. Cheers to ME and the people who made me what I'm today!

Height of Laziness...

Laziness, it is, that I have been used to these days. It has almost become an acceptable norm for me lately. Crazy, as it is; I have reached the pinnacle of laziness as yet. Last month, as a result of my procrastination to fuel my bike – despite the fact that it was 5-6 days already since I ran my bike in reserve – I was left stranded at nowhere as the fuel tank got dried on my way to my friend's place. I couldn't see any petrol bunk nearby. Result, I had to walk my bike all along 3 KMS to get into the nearest petrol bunk. Worse, it happened at around 3 P.M. when the sun was peeking with its hot rays at earth, at us, at ME.

Back then, all along the way, as I was walking my bike, I kept on reminding me – ‘not again’. Never, ever let this happen again in your life. If the bike gets to come to use the reserve fuel, you have to fill the tank on the very same day, I told myself. No laziness, no procrastination, and no struggle, anymore. And the fact was, the inside me showed all the symptoms and signs that it had accepted the request of the outside me that was taking the toll of my laziness.

But, as you know, the proverb – you can’t straighten dog’s tail by putting in a hose pipe – goes, things remained the same. My laziness remained the same. Few weeks later, I ran into the same situation – I ran my fuel tank dry. Unluckily, it happened on my way to office, and luckily, my bike came to still just few meters away from a petrol bunk. I was wrong in my calculations as I had thought it would run for another 2 days in the reserve fuel. (I guess someone might have stolen the petrol from my bike; otherwise I wouldn’t usually go wrong in my calculations!) However, my inside me apologized, and the outside me was insane enough to forgive him, maybe because I was left to walk my bike only for few meters. I was second time lucky, what else to say?

Unfortunately, it didn't stop there. Unfortunately, it happened today as well. Unfortunately, this time, my friend was the victim (of course because of me!). I have been running my bike in the reserve fuel for the past few days. Since I didn't get a chance to ride my bike yesterday until late night for dinner, I didn't care to fill the tank. While riding to a restaurant for my dinner yesterday, I decided to go for it today morning on my way to office.

And when I started to office today, everything was fine – I had “you got to fill the fuel tank” very much in my mind. But as I rode near the petrol bunk, laziness had its laugh on me, and I had to ride past it with the thought that I would fill the tank in the evening. At office, my colleague wanted my bike to go somewhere. I told him that it might get dried anytime, and asked him to fill the tank in the nearest petrol bunk.

After some 15 minutes, I got a call from him. I thought he was calling me to ask the whereabouts of my bike. I picked his call.

“DRY,” all he said was this one word.

“Where are you now?” I asked, hastily.

“Just few meters away from the parking,” he replied.

*Shit!*

I felt bad for him (and for me as well). In a way, I was third time lucky; I escaped from walking my bike to a petrol bunk again. But I made up my mind not to face the same situation ever again. Now, don’t laugh at me. I mean it this time. Or I just don’t want to do one more post on this in future.

P.S: I thank my friend for taking the pain himself to get the tank filled, and yeah I drove home without any difficulty.

Read - Write - Be Open

Few days back, a good friend of mine told me about this blog. The blogger was her junior at school, she said. My friend was a good reader herself, and she suggesting a blog as very interesting to read made me curious about the blogger and the blog itself. It was true. She writes well. Her posts were really cool. I happen to stalk into few other blogs – this, this and this – from there. They all write well. “Oh my gosh! How could they all so write well?” I wondered. I kept reading their blog for hours.

I found, from reading through their blog, that they all are vivid readers. And that’s the reason they write well. I could see few posts about how much they read, and as in, how much they love reading. I just looked at me. I was no way near them. I have heard people say, “Read more to write at least a few. Read a lot more to write well.”

Given my poor reading legacy, how possibly could I get as good to write as them? Maybe, few people like what I write, or in other probable way, maybe they have to like it; No other way, as many of them who read mine aren’t reading many blogs, and that turns in to my favor. They read only me and like what I write. That’s the way it is; that’s the way it has been.

The bloggers who I had mentioned earlier also have more followers. That could possibly be their motivation as well. I don’t have many. In fact, I never really shared my blog to many. As it goes, not many of my friends know I write let alone the existence of my blog. Few of my friends, and my sister too, wanted me to share it with my other friends. I didn’t pay heed to it. Reason – I didn’t write for them; I just do for my own sake. I just write what I wanted to, what I feel like. I just write to vent out my whatever-you-may-call-it.

Now, as I read through the blogs, I feel really motivated. I want to explore my writing. Not that I want to be like them, but just in order to move a step ahead. And as think about it, I just wonder about two things.

#1. How do they get time to write frequently?

Time – That matters the most. I really find it difficult to get time to write. Okay, it’s not that I’m busy or something. I can’t fake myself or anyone else with that reason anymore for I do know I have time. It’s just that I can’t find it. Maybe, one can point it out as laziness. It could be apt, by close, I guess. I see these bloggers do at least 3 posts a week. Look at my history. It's damn poor compared to theirs. I often marvel, is it my job that makes me too lazy to write, too busy to get time to write? I don’t have a concrete answer for that. I only wish I could write more in future.

#2. How do they are so open to the world?

Openness – This haunts me often. There are many posts that lie in my drafts still. The reason, I could say, is as I started writing them, at certain point, I was forced to be truthful about certain things that I didn't want in that way. I don’t want people to know more about me and my inclination about certain things. I don't want want to be untruthful either. That's a good thing at least I don't write something untruthful.

Also, there are stuffs, I feel, I shouldn’t probably write about. I couldn’t help it. I’m just working on it. Maybe, in near future, I will bomb out the restrictions in me. Today, as I was stalking the above mentioned blogs, this post [titled: Let’s talk about sex] caught my eye. I was left in shell shock on seeing the frankness of the writer. Was it because her parents or brother weren't following her blog? Or was it just because she doesn't care about it?

Whatever, I always felt that a writer shouldn't really care about anyone but him/her. I never followed it myself. Maybe, that's why I don't recognize myself as a writer yet. So, one day, when I call myself as a writer I would have come out of my bounds. I'm sure one day I will.

Being a major

I became a major on 21^st June 2005 (Geez, I had to count twice with my fingers to make sure of the year. A complete idiot, I have become). Pity, I don't even remember whether or not I got any gifts that day let alone remembering what I got, if any. But one thing I do remember is I was more than excited for being officially, mathematically, legally (my birth certificate is the proof. Lucky, I have it safe still), and in every sense of 'being-eighteen' called as a Major.

As I was nearing the day, "What's special about being eighteen?" I thought. "Of course, everything would be special," I answered myself.

A day before, I started listing out, in my mind, the things that I would really look forward to. They are -

• The Driver's License: I had learnt to drive the motor bike when I was in my 7^th grade (some might consider it as way too late, but that's not the case for me). Going by the way I rode it, I was very well deserved to get my license irrespective of my age. But I didn’t find a way, back then, to break the system to get a license for me. Also, I wasn't a rule-breaker, you know. Never mind, I still rode. No one cared. NOTE: It was only on August 17, 2007, I got my license (for both MC and LMV-NT), and that day still pins to my list of days to remember.

• The Passport: Well, the other important one any major who hadn't have it yet (I belong to this category, and hence it found its way to my list) should hold with them because they can't figure when they’ll fly abroad. Things might happen all of a sudden, and one shouldn’t regret missing a golden opportunity,as people used to call, just because of the lack of the passport. It was, in fact, too early to think at that time. Nevertheless, it was only a thought anyway. NOTE: I got my passport on December 4, 2007. But it’s of no use till date, apart from being used as my address proof a couple of times. And I guess, it won’t serve its primary purpose in near future as well :-(

• Right to Vote: This was one thing I grew up fantasizing about. When I was young, my parents, on the Election Day, would leave early to cast their vote. And once they get back home, I used to glare at their forefinger over the election ink mark. I was hoping that one day I would have the same in my forefinger too. Hence, it was when I got my voter ID in hand; I felt I'm a major, for real.But unfortunately, to this day, I haven't cast my vote despite the fact that there were two State Assembly Elections and one Lok Sabha election that passed by after I was eligible. Worse, I haven't even cast my vote in any local body elections either. Yeah, I can sense how fuming it would be. Only I was to blame; I had the laziness of travelling back home [for a day] to cast my vote. To play it safe from not being called as unpatriotic [by myself], I cursed the government for not declaring the day before and after the Election Day as a HOLIDAY. Certainly, not a better excuse, though. (The only place I did cast my vote till date was during my first year 'Mess Rep' elections.)

• Qualification for watching Adult only movies: Now don't get me wrong. Forget about the real 'A' class movies.  I'm not a guy who used to go to theatres for watching such films. Just stick to the normal Kollywood, Bollywood, and Tollywood movies that come with 'A' brand. It's just that this thing can't be ignored when talking about eighteen-years-of-age. That's it. Funny, as it may sound, but I still remember my mom not allowing me to go to the movie "Boys" just because it was 'A' certified. Now don't ask me, "Have you ever watched that film?" Of course, I did; but after 2 years of its release. Sadly, only then I had a chance!!!

From the notes that I had mentioned above, one could get how much I cared about being a major. It was just another year for me. Eighteen was just another age for me. It was just that I got a year older. I never really cared of the above mentioned ones seriously. That was the reason I had to get them only when I was twenty years old.

P.S: I only hope that I would cast my vote in the forth coming Lok Sabha elections. After all, I want to prove my care for my country to none other than myself. And Yeah, lastly, I'm almost a perfect major now.

The lawyer in me

Last night, I saw the film, The Lincoln Lawyer. The movie was simply awesome. The story was sleek and intact. The screenplay was tight, engrossing and riveting. After watching the film, I couldn't sleep for almost an hour. The film didn't affect me, but it had its effect on me. I just laid on the bed mulling over the reason why hadn't I used all my brains to be a lawyer. It's one of the few jobs that really make you realize that you actually own a brain, and pushes you to use it in an effective way.

I never had a thought of becoming a lawyer, to be honest. As a matter of fact, I had no thoughts of becoming anyone. That was me until few years ago. The only point I had in my sleek mind, during my higher secondary classes, was that I shouldn't be a doctor. And if you ask me a reason, well, I can't give you a solid one. It's just I never had any interest in that profession. Insanely, I was more adamant myself with that point. That's it.

I didn't have any idea of what I would be. Worse, I didn't even have any idea of what I should or shouldn't be, in the first place. At times, I laugh at myself when I picture those days back - the days when I was the way I was - no concrete plan about my future, no specific passion, desire, and the like. I never thought I would be what I'm now, not even in my dreams. Even now if you ask me, I would say I'm not sure what I would be in ten years from now. I just live the present. I'm more than content with that.

After my tenth class, my sister asked me, am I okay with being a CA in future. I wasn't sure what it's like to be a CA or what it takes to be a CA. All I knew, at that moment, was its highly mathematical. And for the reason of my love on mathematics, I nodded immediately. My sister had to spend few minutes to explicate me further details. I was more than convinced. I thought it would suit me. Who wouldn't want to do something he/she loves? But unlike my sister, my mom wasn't interested in it. She always wanted me to be a doctor. So I eventually ended up joining the Bio-group. (Trust me, I was a good and obedient son to my parents.) However, that couldn't help me change my mind about 'being-a-doctor'. Fortunately, I didn't end up in some medical college.

Bluntly, neither then nor later, I regretted it. It's just when I walk past a house with a name board indicating someone as a CA, this thought "Maybe, I would have been one, if things were a bit different" strikes my mind. That's it, nothing more. In fact, with the current stand of mine, I thank for not being a CA.

Now, back to the point of being a lawyer; it wasn't in my list at all (Ah, I never had a list in the first place). The only time I remember being-a-lawyer is when I think of my friend who was very adamant and passionate about becoming a lawyer. He used to ask me few tips whenever we tangle with that topic. I used to give him few inputs by then. I always marveled about his passion and interest. That was the best I could do about being-a-lawyer. But last night, after watching the film, and getting impressed with Matthew McConaughey's performance, I just got into the thought of being a lawyer. Now that I know, even with the significant chance I have, I could not be a lawyer. All I could do is to wipe out the thought and move on.

P.S: The past few days were wonderful for me in the best possible way with the four movies - Limitless, Source Code, The Adjustment Bureau and The Lincoln Lawyer.

Oru Naalil...

I simply can't believe it (well, that's an out of line exaggeration). Yesterday, I got a mail from my friend. It was about the song - Oru Naalil from the film 'Pudhupettai'. All through the mail, she praised Yuvan Shankar Raja for his music. She said that she had always loved the song that she had heard it umpteen times. After a long while, she listened to it yesterday, and mailed me as she was still listening to it. Apparently, she appreciated his music, and the justice he did to the lyrics with his voice. The song is my all-time favorite. The lyric, penned by Na. Muthukumar, is another plus for the song. Coincidently, I was happen to listen to it yesterday after a long time.

She is a big fan of A.R.Rahman; Yuvan tops my list. We had several arguments on this topic - Who is better? She was always against my point(s) in supporting Yuvan. I had always stated that Yuvan should have got the filmfare award for 'Pudhupettai', and not Rahman in 2006. She used to pass up that. I used to respond her accusing that she is merely one among the blind supporters of Rahman. well, Rahman is a legend in the world of music, and that's irrefutable. Still, I was very much disappointed for Yuvan missing out to him in 2006 for Pudhupettai had, as people used to say, out of the world Music.

In fact, at times, I had such arguments with few of my friends - Gautham, in particular. I never gave up; so did he. That was a sheer fun during our college days, especially, whenever an audio of their film comes out. (Jeez, He hasn't mailed me in ages, but he sent out an email last week. Guess what it would be about? It's about the AR Rahman's song performed by American Choir. It made me smile for a while.) I have never played any instrument (apart from my music classes during my lower grades at school) by myself. Unlike me, he plays Guitar (he kills us with it, that's a different story). But I'm a music lover. And I love Yuvan's songs from his early days in cinema. That's the way it is. After my college, it was only her with whom I had such arguments.

I still remember the days I used to eagerly wait for the release of this movie. It was the longest wait I ever had for a movie by then (It took another Selvaraghavan film - Aayirathil Oruvan - to break that record). Pudhupettai wasn't a blockbuster. Nevertheless, it was critically acclaimed. I have read many critics rating it as one of the best gangster movies ever made in Tamil Cinema. I would rate it as the best. It was one film that I watched thrice in a theatre.

Her mail yesterday only made me remember those days.Though I loved the movie for it's make and presentment, I was equally disappointed for my favorite song - Oru Naalil, missing in the film. I used to wonder the boldness of the director to miss out the song that had reached out to masses. As soon as I checked her mail, I was tempted to listen to the song. It played for quite a few times in my music player.

                     

It's farewell, again!!!

I, on a personal front, feel the best post on my blog till date is 'The effect of S'. You can bet anything on the fact that nothing can beat doing something for our friend. Well, that was a post I did specially for my best friend. And, today, I'm back with a similar post. You could even consider this as 'The effect of S - part II' except it isn't about the same person. It's rather about my colleague, and more than that, a good friend, Mrs. S. Today was the last day at office for her.

Ours was a two member team - comprising of me and her - here at offshore that was led by Mr. A - a perfect example for the term a-gem-of-a-person - at onsite (Guess, I would do a post on him in near future). Having said that, one could figure the importance of the companion. I still remember my first day in the project when our P.L., introduced me to her. He ended the meeting with this statement - "She is a very good resource who will be helpful and flexible." To this day, she lived up to his words.

I was new to this account. On the meeting, "She is [her name]," started our P.L. "and she will be your teammate." The moment I came to know that my teammate is a girl, I thought, "Okay, so that's it. How am I going to be comfortable here?". He then added fuel to the fire with the sentence, "She is married!". And that made me to think, "Okay, now how am I going to be comfortable with a married-girl-who-is-also-a-stranger-to-me?". But somehow, on seeing her, I felt everything would be fine, and I had a hunch that she will be fine, and make me fine here. Throughout our time in this project, she proved my hunch to be true.

Undoubtedly, she was the only reason for me to be comfortable in what could be called as new environment. On my first day, I was just sitting in my machine reading out some documents. I haven't talked to her after the meeting, leave off once to inquire about the link for the documents. Later that day, it was she, who came to me and called me for a break. From that day, we used to go for a juice break almost everyday. She also joined me for lunch with few of my previous teammates daily.

From that day our relation was slowly built up. I found her as a good-friendly-colleague. Our work wasn't that much hectic, and for that reason, we used to enjoy our time like anything. We discuss about movies, any recent weird incidents that happened elsewhere, our previous projects, our time in TCS and so forth. We used to go to the reading hall and the library everyday, and spent some time over there. Nowadays, I'm reading a lot of books (mostly self-improvement or business  or management kind). I would proudly say, she is the reason for that. Being so, she has made my reading time valuable, and directed me in a better way.

Sometimes, "A" used to come online and initiate a conference chat with us. We shared a lot - that comprises personal things (like our weekend happenings, movies, etc) mostly rather than official (we used to discuss task related stuffs only in the status call that we take up in the evening). We both enjoyed those casual chat with him. It's always nice to have a chat over something rather than work alone.

Her specialty is that she has a power of mind reading. She used to speak out the characters of our onsite coordinators (we had one more person working with us at onsite for some time) and our QA Analyst to me. She used to say how they would be and how they would handle things, with a great enthusiasm. And from our call with "A" yesterday, we found she was more than correct in her findings.

At times, she was more like a kid, actually. Just like them, she used ask so many 'Why-s' to me. I, to be frank, really enjoyed answering her with whatever information I had in me. Sometimes I had to Google to get answers for her why-s.

She used to listen to me patiently every time whenever I had something to say to her. She used to praise her husband a lot. By then I always felt happy for her (I know how difficult it is, nowadays, to find a good guy for a girl. I know the pain involved for I have two sisters). She used to share some funny incidents happened in her home. She used to complain her maid to me (that was the only problem she had in her home).

Since she is from Andra Pradesh, she doesn't know Tamil. One day, she explained me the way she used to interact with her maid. It was nothing but she used to talk 10% in Tamil, 10% in Telugu/English and 80% in sign-language. That day, she actually acted one conversation that she had with her maid in the morning. I couldn't help laughing out loud. That was one of my funniest days in this project. I owe her a lot specially for that :-)

And work wise, she was more than perfect. She was always committed to the work she does. She was responsible, and extremely helpful. Also, she had never said a 'no' to me for whatever I had asked her to do. Without her, I wouldn't be what I'm now in this project. She always pose a smile in her face. She was very much a down-to-earth person.

She had to put in her papers last month because of her husband's transfer to Maldives. The one month notice period she had to serve was the craziest of all. She used to count the days everyday with her fingers. He left for Maldives last month. During the past one month, she mentioned him often. That showed how much she missed him. She told that she was very much bored after he left her. In fact, during this time, she praised him more than she did earlier. She really had a tough time staying in hostel for the past one month. She complained about the mosquito bites, the food, and so on. Those times, I really prayed for the month to run fast.

Yesterday we had a call with "A" to have an informal, friendly chat. It went for more than an hour. We got to know more about him. At the end of the call, all we could do was to praise him even more. I feel I'm really gifted to be in this project only because I had to meet these two persons. Though it was only 5 months, we had a good friendly relationship which I hope would last long.

And today, her last day in office, she was happy rather being sad (No wonder, of course, she should be!!!).  After the usual farewell meeting, we - me, "X" (my colleague) and "S" walked down to leave for the day. "X" was kidding her all the way asking, "Ain't you feeling sad? you rather seem to look happy, or are you really feeling sad, and uh, are you going to cry?"

She replied, "I'm feeling sad for Suresh. He will be alone...."

That sums it all.... I will miss her as a good teammate, and above all, as a very good friend.

I wasn't wrong!!!

Yesterday, my friend gave me a call at an unusual time. He was one of the very few people with whom I had shared almost all my stories I wrote. He was always an active follower of my stories, and once done reading those, he would call me to give his comments. Yesterday's call was also of that sort, the only difference being it wasn't for the comments on any of my stories, but on my recent blog post - "What I prefer".

He wasn't particularly happy about my preference for the question - Tamil or English. He was upset, disappointed and, on top of all, was angry on me for choosing English over Tamil, my mother tongue. Here is the excerpt from that particular post.

9. Tamil or English.English. Simply because I was always poorer in Tamil than English.

He, in fact, kind of jovially threatened me by saying that he would start a thread on this topic in Facebook. I know, he wasn't serious. Even if he was, I'm least bothered about it. The main reason for this post is not his threat, but my responsibility - the responsibility of clearing things up. I just don't want to get to be mistaken by my friends for what I am not.

Well, to answer him, I didn't insult Tamil in any way. I swear, I never will. I just said that I prefer English to Tamil, and I guess I had given a valid reason - the fact that I'm just poorer in Tamil than in English - to back up that. I can't help but say how hard I have struggled to write in Tamil with least possible spelling mistakes. And, moreover, given the fact that I haven't got that much chance to write in Tamil in the past 7 years, not a sane person will expect me to write perfectly in Tamil.

Okay, maybe, he might have thought I choose English over Tamil in the context of a better language. If so, I just want to make it clear that he was completely wrong. My preference was just in the context of writing and communicating. That was the way I felt. If anyone wants my preference in the context of a better language, I will, obviously choose Tamil over any other language. No doubt in that. Reasons -

1. It's my mother tongue, after all.
2. I have read and heard several positive things about Tamil all through my school days.
3. I have been talking in Tamil umpteen times more than English ever since I started talking.
4. Lastly, I didn't know the history of English unlike I do about Tamil.

So, to him and other followers of this blog, I still say I prefer English over Tamil in the context I had explained earlier. If you guys still think I was wrong, then help yourselves. So there.

Commitment - where everything starts

How often have you seen your friends rambling about getting a job before they finish the final year of their course in college? Pretty often, isn't it? No wonder, you yourself were one among them.  In fact, I was, and frankly, anyone and everyone falls in that category. It's not something to be ashamed of for no one here is being sheepish by being a rambling person in this regard. Everyone, at some point of time, sooner or later, rambles about it. If you happen to see anyone saying otherwise, then you are witnessing a person who is trying not to be ordinary. Don't mistake yourself by rounding him to be extra-ordinary, he is just less-ordinary.

The rambling continues till one lands up getting a job by the time they finish their course, and it only gets worse when one has to spend time with the fellow mates who were placed already. That's really a horrible thing to experience. Luckily, or unluckily I didn't get a chance to experience that. By the way, that's not the point I wanted to discuss here about. The real point is this question - How many of us are being committed to our job once we are on board? By committed, I mean a-genuine-commitment.

I have been working for almost three years now, and I have seen and been with many people in my tenure. From my very own experience, I would say, strong and hard, that not many were committed to their job, their work. I'm damn sure about that. Okay, there could be few days where people get frustrated, or feel sick, or have some (personal) things troubling them, or some stupidity running over their mind, or what not. At those times, you can't even expect them to be normal let alone being committed to what they do. Also, no one can escape from these unfortunate events, after all, we are humans. But that's acceptable as long as that happens occasionally, and even then, everyone has to, at least, try to be committed. Because that's what we are paid for - for being committed and get things done at our end, in the best possible way.

From the personal perspective, one can be lenient on people when they face any of the above said unfortunate events, but from the business perspective, one can't expect the same leniency, and you can't blame anyone for that. If that is the case, how can being-so-uncommitted be accepted from someone who is (or seems to be) normal? Honestly, I hate that, I hate the person to the core, no matter who and how close they are to me. Though I try not to put it out to that people, inside of me, I still hate them.

I just go by the motto, give everyone the best of you whether or not they deserve it. So when my company pays me, I should pay back them with what they deserve - the commitment. And I expect that from my colleagues as well. In the past 3 years, I have seen few people being uncommitted to their work. When I say that, I'm not referring anyone in particular, and moreover I just don't want to do so. Many, at least, at times, were a victim. They just take things in a rather casual way. I just want them to realize the importance of their work, the basic quality of being truthful to the employer, thereby, to themselves. Sometimes, a person's failure from being committed causes a stir among other employees, which drastically affects the commitment of theirs as well. We should inspire others to make them grow, not to make them fall.

For anyone who say, "I try, but I just can't be committed!!!". Just try to -

• Be responsible - Responsibility makes you to finish any work in time with at most sincerity, and that turns you to be committed.
• Enjoy - Just enjoy the work you do. You will always be committed to do something you enjoy yourself.
• Inspire others - Always think yourself as a leader. A leader should always inspire his/her (team) mates at any cost. To be inspiring, you have work on your work first, and that pushes you to be committed.

I can't help but say, Commitment - this is with what everything starts!!! So always be committed. That's what I wanted to put forward. I just quoted this with my job, and my colleagues. My sincere apologies had I hurt someone by this post. I mean it. The commitment has to be with everyone no matter what place it is, what work we do, and top of all, what others deserve.

Having talked about commitment, I can't sign off without mentioning my colleague here. She is my inspiration when it comes to commitment. Unfortunately, she had to put in her papers last October. Wherever she is, by now, I'm pretty much sure that she will always be committed to what she does, and inspire others just like she did to me.

Nostalgia!

Today as I was scrolling down through my older mails in my personal folder (the only folder where I stuff the mails that I would like to preserve for the rest of my life), a couple of mails made me to open them to have a look at them. They were sent by the ones who will, without any doubt, be featured in my list of the Top 5 Persons I have met till date. So obviously any mails from them would be special, but still these two mails were top of all. And that's the reason even when I had 'n' no. of mails in my personal folder, only these two, in particular, made me to read them.

One was from my very good pal, Gautham. The mail trail was our conversation between 01/19/2010 and 01/24/2010. It was initiated by me to sort out few things that were causing a rift between us. As usual, like any other mail thread that run for sorting things out between friends end, this one also ended in a happy note. I'm not sure whether he has the mail still in his mailbox like I do, but if by chance he has, and care to look into it, he too will feel happy for sure, as the words in the mail were from the bottom of our heart. I wish to quote one of his lines here - "..... and I think that way, I 've always liked you for what you are and you're quite genuine at that." What more than the words like these would one expect from his pal? I wish our friendship to continue forever (maybe with few kinder-garden fights so that I would get many such lines from him.... LOL....).

The other one was from my sweetest pal (I mention the word 'sweetest' here, and I fail to tell the name. So that's the clue I leave to all to figure out the gender of the person). It was the one I got after a few days of fight with her, but unlike the previous mail, it wasn't a conversation mail to sort things out. In fact it wasn't a conversation mail at all. It was just a mail that she received in appreciation for her work (on 08/20/2009). But she didn't even tell me about it as we were still not in talking terms. It was through some third person that I came to know about it that day, and the fact that she failed to share that with me only made me to feel bad for not talking with her (I wasn't the one who initiated the fight, it was only she who choose not to talk with me. Of course it was because of me... LOL...). 

As a worried person, I called her later that day to patch up with her. When I complained her about her behavior of not saying about the mail to me, she replied, "Believe it or not, it was only you who came to my mind first, the moment I saw the mail. Sorry for not letting you know about it by myself." I got that, it was just the 'Girly Adamancy'. So I erased the disappointment from my memory. The next day (08/21/2009) morning, I opened my mailbox to see that mail forwarded to me. I checked the time it was sent. It meant she forwarded it as soon as she was at her desk that day (Maybe she was really worried for not saying about it to me on the previous day).

Though I have peeked into these mails umpteen times, every time I open them, it only makes me happy for some unknown reasons. Those were the good-olden days. And although both of the mails might give anyone a thought that I fight with people often, trust me, that's not so TRUE. In fact, I mentioned the date only to make clear that they were the things of the past. Nevertheless, it happens sometime, where I 'm not the only reason for that. Anyway thinks like these in the past moulded me to be a more matured person now. In fact, I don't give any room for these issues anymore. 

Once I was like, "Be happy, and make others happy". But nowadays I prefer, "Be or not be happy, but make others happy."

"People go crazy chasing happiness. But sometimes all it takes is a nice conversation with a good friend." - Chetan Bhagat.

The effect of 'S'...

                                                                                                                              09-Feb-2011


     I’m nervous. I‘m damn nervous. Tomorrow is going to be the last day of my project, which is my first project as well, that lasted for almost 26 months (for the ones who are poor in converting it to the scale of years - it’s 2 years and 2 months) since the day (19^th Dec, 2008) I joined. I’m not nervous dreading to face the end, which of course, is ineluctable and inevitable as everyone in the IT industry has to face this at some point of time. But I’m nervous right now. Also, not because I have to be in a new team, new environment, new whatever. I’m nervous because this post has to come out well.

    Yes, this post has to come out really well as I’m going to write about the person whom I respect the most. She is also the one whom I undoubtedly consider as my ‘the-best-friend’, and I’m pretty much sure that I will do in future too. Additionally, she is also the one who for real, from the bottom of her heart, cared for me, and stood by me in my tough, tougher and toughest times all through my days in this project. I’m not citing this in technical front (though she did that too), but in personal front. Hence, this has to come out readable at least, if not awesome.

    To this date, I had written few stories, posted a few stuffs in my blog, written a few technical stuffs, but not even on any single day I sat in front of my Laptop, and started typing, as soon as I came home from office. In fact, I’m doing that today, at this very point of time. No wonder, though it’s been almost 15 minutes by now since I turned my laptop on, I’m yet to sign in to Gtalk, Gmail, Facebook and Twitter that I would do on any normal day. And I have to make it clear that this is not a work of emotionality. This is kind of my tribute for all she did to me, and going to do to me. And that makes me nervous.

    I had already decided on what should be written here in this post, when I was riding my bike back home (Yes, my brain works BETTER when I ride my bike – please note the capitalization of ‘better’, and that doesn't mean my brain work only when I ride the bike, but simply works better). Most of my ideas/works were born when I ride my bike. When something strikes my mind when I ride my bike, I seldom care about other stuffs. I concentrate only on thinking and developing something out of it. Nothing, not even the person who sits behind me could distract me, no matter how hard they try. Ah, yeah except one thing – HONDA CITY i-vtec. Even today as I was engrossed in this thought of writing something about her, for her, this thing passed me, and that made my mind (as well as my bike) travel along with it for some time until it over-speeded me and my bike.

    Having said that I had already decided on what to write (incl. the title for the post), I didn’t round off on how to do it actually, I mean the way it should be written. Well, that makes me even more nervous. Hmmm, well, one thing that runs on my mind now is ‘don’t worry about the ‘how’ part, just go along wherever this leads’. After all she and, for the matter of fact, whoever happens to read this post will not mind about it, as far as it’s readable.

    All started here, on 22^nd dec, 2008 – when for the first time she talked to me, in fact, she didn’t talk to me at first sight. I was asked to sit in her machine by our PL (I wasn’t allocated any system by then), and read some documents as she was yet to come to the office. On seeing me at her place, she, though I being a fresher, hesitated to ask me leave her system, and instead, went to my PL and talked to him. I could hear him asking her to tell me to take some other system. But she didn’t. (Nah, she wasn’t happy to escape from her work!!!) She was just feeling bad to ask me to leave her machine. I remember her saying that to our PL. People say first impression is the best impression. That’s so true. She impressed me that very minute. Don’t get me wrong. She was elder to me by few years, and hence it’s not just the usual a-guy-got-impressed-by-a-girl-at-first-sight stuff.

    By then, I, by any means, wasn’t struck by the thought that we would become good friends, let alone given the difference in our age. To be frank, she is a sisterly friend to me. Having said this word ‘sisterly’, I do remember her saying – I wish I should have a brother like you – a couple of times. And, every time when she said that, it sounded perfect as I had already started to place her next to my two sisters. So it all started that day. It continued tardily but steadily as I joined their team for lunch and later for coffee breaks (I do say ‘coffee-break’ because she prefers coffee to tea/milk).

    It really took some time, to be specific - few months, for us to get closer and understandable. Till then we were just like the friends-for-breaks-and-lunch. But after that, we were otherwise – thanks to the same wavelength we had, and that made our bond stronger. She was always there for me whenever I had some problems both professionally and personally (So did I J J J).

    As time, days, and months rolled by, I read her to the maximum level that was possible, if not completely. May be because a girl is like a book that is insipid, not many but only a very few who has an immeasurable patience and tolerance can read it completely. (I don’t even have a measureable quantity of both). Does it sound like a good metaphor? If not, please delete it from your mind (as only this comes to my mind now!!!).

     There were, as in any friendship, kinder garden fights between us. Mostly, the reason will be me, and my activities. Activities, as in, my acts when I feel struck with some unwanted memories and incidents (the term ‘unwanted’ was prefixed by her, only by her). Such fights are forever part and parcel of life. During that time, I would keep myself away from the gatherings like lunch, coffee breaks, etc. That doesn’t mean I restrict myself from the crowd or I behave indifferently. It’s just I can’t feign before people as if I was normal when I feel depressed deep within my heart. She never left me alone, even when I preferred loneliness. She always wanted me to be normal.

    Even when I disobey her words and act in my own way, she will never give up on me and in fact, will succeed most of the times, only most of the times. Sometimes I succeed in my stand that would end up in an argument which in turn leads to her anger. She leaves my place saying that I would never change. I knew that was just a sham. But in order to show my disappointment, I obstinate myself from talking to her. She, too, is intransigent in her own way. But this will last only for few hours, or at the max, only for a day. Either I or she will end up in other’s place and call off our so-called fight with an agreement that I should not behave like that ever again. Likewise we had several agreements. The sad thing is each agreement was broken only to end up with another agreement of same kind.

   I would say, she might even forget the above said incidents in future, but not the times when I used to arouse her anger by insulting her – Please note the word ‘insult’ was again purely coined by her for the events that happened. I never meant it, I swear. All I did was for FUN. Whenever she asks me something, say a chocolate or a snack that I hold in my hand, or any other stuffs, or any modest help, I would decline it in the first place, even when our colleagues were around us. I repeat - all I did was for fun, only just for FUN, to see her being disappointed. I’m not bad, and hey, I am not a sadist either. I simply relish her expression and the way she turns her face. But sadly, she always thought otherwise, and as I mentioned earlier, she coined it as an insult. You know, every time I did that, I always knew the end result, but that didn’t stop me from acting like that. I was just blithe and will remain forever. That’s me, after all.

    At times, when she asks me something, and if I was in the state of my own world, I would often give her a laconic reply, but man, she never minds that. That’s where she scores. That’s where she stood tall, taller than the rest, taller than the other people whom I feel I am close with. Even when I was so reticent about my problems, she used to grab things from my face and volunteers herself to talk to me, only to make me feel better. She listens to me patiently to all my prates and advices me whenever I ask her, and even does when I don’t ask her!!!

    As days went, she started to interact with my mom, and became close to her that she would call her up and complain if I did something I shouldn’t do like skipping my lunch, etc. (she complained even when she knew the reason behind it. Ironically, I quote it as valid, but she does otherwise.) Thus we even grew up to become family friends. Also, I do have a good relationship with her husband, who though knows me a little, but cares for me a lot enough to advise me with my happenings. Even an incident happened couple of days before. He called her up to say things about me, for me, for my better future. I felt I was lucky to have them. My parents will be happy to know that I do have someone here to fill their place, virtually at least, when I stay away from them.

    She sometimes seem to be didactic, but all for my good. There were times when we just joshed around. There were times when I argued with her, and she seemed to fight back frantically, but I knew she was only shamming. Today when we were talking about our release and our future project, she told that she will be in touch with me always, even if I didn’t. I am confident about it too. Additionally, she was referring to me as “You are very good as a person, but…” With that word – ‘but’, she triggered the bullets at me. She said, “but you behave indifferently, in the sense, kind of moody, at times.” I knew what she was referring; she knew that I knew what she was referring. We both knew the reason behind that. On top of that, she knew I was not that sort of person. Yet, that’s what she feels at the end. Though she knows the reason now, one day, maybe, she will understand the reason.

    I strongly feel certain things needs to be secretive rather than running all the events here. But I am pretty much confident that whenever she or I read this post, all the events will screen before our eyes. I always felt that I was lucky to have her as a friend, and will do forever –wherever she or I would be. Now that it’s evident that we will be into different projects, different locations, I’ll miss her - as a colleague, as a patient listener to my blabbering, on top of that, as someone to take care of me - from Monday!!! But not even a day, I would miss her as a friend because I know she will always be available for me. Coming back to the title, some might wonder what the title has to do with this post. Maybe, many would think her name starts with ‘S’, for which answer in binary format is ‘1’, but that’s not the ultimate reason. The real reason – Well, I don’t want to reveal it here by myself as I’m confident that she will figure it out correctly.

    

Just a heads up  - This is not written/typed as a result of emotionality, but just as a tribute to our friendship in my own way.